| One War Down… |
| Summary: | Martin and Eddie finally talk about the past. |
| Date: | PHD #127 (8/23/09) |
| Related Logs: | None |
| Players: |
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Eddie's getting back on the proverbial horse, as it were. After being released to light duty just this morning, she's crawled up to the Sims and put her name on the list to spend some time in the mock cockpit. It doesn't look like she's been in here very long, as her display screen is still showing Mooner in the virtual launch tube. Her hands are on the controls, but she doesn't seem to be doing anything with them.
Martin quietly steps into the simulator bay with a notepad in hand. Walking with his head down in a lemming display of boredom, he stops near the list to read it over. Spying Mooner's name on the list, he looks to the clock in the room to judge the time. Eyebrows furrowing, he looks into the window to see her there. "Frak…" He says under his breath, glancing towards the door. Another few minutes passes, and as the simulator is not being used, he lightly taps on the door.
Eddie pops it open at the knock, for a moment just silently eyeing the man on the otherside. Finally, her tongue rewets her dry lips so she can speak. "I still have another thirty minutes in this slot, yeah?" Her fingers come up in a gesture which would normally be to run her fingers through her hair. Seeming how she's sporting only a short buzz cut, however, it's just a light scratch at her scalp.
Martin looks to the schedule to escape her gaze, nodding softly. Looking back to her, he leans against the doorway and lifts his shoulder in a slight shrug. "I…just saw you in there and I didn't know if you were waiting it out or not." He pauses, discomfort settling in like an invading army. "I can get out of here if you wanna be alone I was just…" He trails off, losing his words.
Eddie's gaze sweeps from his face downward and back up again. When her dark eyes switch back to his face, there's a slight smirk on her lips. "You have just as much right to be in here as I do. You don't have to bugger off just on my account." She twists slightly to look back at her screen, that hasn't gotten past the starting screen. "Not like you're interrupting."
Watching her turn back to the screen, Martin leans against the doorway to follow her field of vision. Eyes falling onto the screen as well, he quiets for a moment. "We haven't talked much lately. It's been a long time, really." He pauses. "How are you feeling, Eddie?" He asks, as if he meant to ask how she's been doing. He chooses the safe approach.
Eddie's shoulders rise and fall in a slight shrug. "Guess we ran out of things to talk about." She exhales a long breath, trying to keep the tone of this conversation on the friendly side, which might mean she needs to stray away from some subjects. Her health and well being is somewhat safe, so she's answers easily. "I'm up, so I'm better. Not one hundred percent, but I'll get there. I'm sure." Sounds more like she's trying to convince herself rather then him.
Looking back to her, Martin turns so that his side is leaning against the door. Folding his arms, he looks past her towards the security hatch on her side. "Guess the things we had to talk about were well…" Martin's eyebrows shrug, lips flattening. "We used to be friends. I guess I'll throw it out there that I miss that."
Eddie powers down her simulation with a quick flick of her fingers. There's some things you just don't forget how to do, nevermind the fact she never got to the flying bit. Her fatigue clad legs appear, and then she slips out of the modular unit and thrusts her hands in her pocket. "Sorta figured your balls would be in a vice about that, with Sam screwing it tighter everytime you looked in my direction."
"Sam doesn't control my life, Eddie. If you and I want to talk or spend time together she can deal." Martin says with a shake of his head. Turning to face her with his arms still crossed, he finds her face again. "Besides I don't really know what Sam's up to nowadays. It's like I told Matto earlier, I've been skulking in the berthings to keep an eye on things with you and Jupiter hurt and off the roster. I mean, who cares anymore, right?"
Eddie sucks against her teeth, producing a tsking sound. "Seems like you and her have some big communication problems. Course that always was the case wasn't it? Hell, even with us, but I don't recall us doing much talking in the first place when we were together." Her smirk turns a little sardonic, but surprisingly there's no malice in her eyes.
Martin playfully rolls his eyes, moving to lean against the wall of the simulator so that the door can close. "Not my fault you couldn't keep your damn hands to yourself." He teases, letting out a quiet chuckle. "I dunno, frak it, I think I'm finally getting to the point around here that as long as I don't try to understand people and just shut up and bury my face in a book…I'll be fine." He pauses, looking towards her. "We tried to talk. Then again, most of our deep conversations were silent."
Eddie sinks her teeth into her bottom lip, trying to stifle a bubble of laughter that threatens to gurgle out of her throat. She scrunches up one eye and scratches at her neck almost sheepishly. "Yeah, well. I seem to do better in relationships when I leave my big mouth out of them. You studying or casual reading?"
"Casual." Martin replies, lifting up a shoulder and smirking noncommitally. "I'd study for what I was going to go to war college for but some part of me's had the motivation cut right out of me for the last month. Sleep and CAP, CAP and sleep…" He raises a finger to swirl it around. "I feel like I'm chasing my tail so much, if that makes any sense."
Eddie tilts her head slightly, suddenly studying his face more in depth then she was prior. Perhaps picking up on every new crease or dark circle he's now sporting. Her lips quirk in something close to a grimace. "Sorry to hear that, Martin. And here I was sure the path you were taking would make you a happier man."
Martin indeed does have a few circles under his eyes, having grown just a bit older in appearance over the course of the last month. Shrugging again, he looks up to find her face. "Nothing's a guarantee, really. I've got a lot to be grateful for. After all you, me, Jupiter, shit so many of us have made it this far right? I don't know. Don't worry yourself about me, I'll be fine." He shakes his head. "What about yourself. Are you happier, Eddie?"
Eddie presses her lips until they're in a thin line, pausing a moment in her response to him. She finally gives him a tentative answer of, "I'm trying something…new. Being laid up in sickbay and almost getting killed while there by a crazed man who just slipped off the last knot in his rope will give you new view on life. I might not be happier now, but I think I can be. For once in my life, I think I might /deserve/ to be."
Martin smiles quietly, somewhat charmed at the idea that she's working her way out of her malaise. "Really?" He brightens only a bit, fighting through the fatigue. "That's good, really good actually." He smiles broadly. "You really do deserve it Eddie. I'm pretty damned happy to hear you say that." He pauses, scratching the back of his neck. "So that was what changed it, or did something else kick you in this direction?"
Eddie thrusts her hands deeper in her pockets, bunching her shoulders up around her ears. "Look, Martin. It was just a series of a buncha shit. It was everything from the stuff that happened with Nadiv on down to the way things ended up with you and I. It was nothing specific, but the incident in sickbay was the last straw. When I realized I /want/ to live, and I damn well outta make sure I'm worth it."
Martin's lip stretches outwards in a wry smile, getting the point. Nodding his head, he unfolds his arms to extend his hands towards her palm out in a surrendering gesture. "I'm not trying to be nosey, Eddie, I'm just happy for you, really I am." He says. The smile fades and he does something strange. Sinking a bit back into himself, he turns to the roster for the sims and grabs the dry erase marker beside it. Turning his back to her, he scribbles his name on the list. "Just don't forget about me when you make your way up in the world."
Eddie snorts. "Aw hell, I said I'm trying to turn over a new leaf, not become a gods damned golden child. Just meant I was trying to keep my nose a bit more clean, stop talking so much trash, and stop stirring so much shit. Like with you and Case, that's all. What the frak happened Martin?" She takes a half step towards him. "I found a bit of life…and you seemed to have lost it."
Martin lowers his head, blindly setting the marker back into its place. His shoulders shrug upwards. "I don't know anymore." He turns his head, looking to her over his shoulder. "I think I'm just feeling the weight of not being disconnected. Some of these guys have no one, nothing waiting for them. I've got a sister and people I care about and it was so simple at first…" He turns to face her, head shaking from left to right. "…all of you being in the sickbay so many times and aside from a frakked up landing and I did the stupid thing. I started wondering about the bigger picture and this superstitious shit's getting inside of my head…" He quietly rambles, venting to her.
Eddie pulls a hand out of her pocket long enough to quickly touch her fingers to his arm. "Hey. There ain't no sense pulling into your head about stuff like this. The mind's a tricky place, and you'll end up stuck in there more times then not. Trust me, I know. So don't sweat the small stuff. We all get hurt, and for the most part, we're doing good about getting back on our feet again, yeah?"
"Yeah…yeah we are." Martin replies, turning to stand toe to toe with Eddie. Letting out a deep breath he moves his hand to his hip, resting it on his beltloop. Lowering his voice, he keeps the door in his peripheral vision. "I don't know, I don't want to bring down what you've got but it's this fragile house of cards bullshit I've got going on. I put on a good show of being unaffected but I'm just running kind of ragged lately. After all that, Sam's been staying out late and Peanut's busted up with Merlin dying." He gives a quiet snort. "I need more hands, you know?"
Eddie tilts her chin up slightly to even her gaze off with his now that they are standing so close to one another. "Staying out late? Where the hell is there to stay out late at? Did we get a bar on this ship and no one told me? Say. I can beat her up if you want, just because I'm being good, doesn't mean my evil streak is gone for good." She grins a bit, flashing white teeth. "Sorry…sorry…you'll do what you can, Martin. You might not think it, but you're a pretty calming force."
"No it's…" Martin chuckles in a bit of bitter disbelief. "Funny part is if she's got something else going on, I really don't care. Whatever. If that's her thing then the only thing I've got to be pissed at her about is…" He shakes his head, changing the subject. He flashes a similar smile in her direction. "Tell me more about this calming force, Edwina."
Eddie quirks a brow at that, mouthing 'something else'? But letting it drop as he changes subject. As he calls her Edwina, she reaches out and tweaks at his chest in the vague approximation of his nipple. "Unless you're partial to being called Marty, I like Eddie juuuuuust fine. And I just meant…" She shrugs. "When you and I were together it was just. Easy. Like being on a boat in the middle of a still ocean. We didn't need direction, we could just kind of …float."
Martin turns his torso, hand instinctively coming up to try to block the attack sent towards his chest. It's hard not to grin when this happens. "Yeah…" He smirks, calming a bit and looking down to her. "Yeah it was. I spent a long time trying to figure you out until I sorta realized that the catch about you, Eddie, is that if you try to figure you out, you only end up lost." He pauses. "I owe you an apology, Eddie. I didn't mean to betray your trust."
Eddie shrugs quickly, trying to shirk the feeling that his words just brought to the surface again. "You didn't do anything I didn't rightfully deserve. No harm, no foul, yeah?" She pulls a hand down her face. "Like I said before, she can give you something I can't. Or at least didn't know how to at the time. You couldn't wait around for me to figure shit out, you had to get on with your life. I respect you for that."
"That's not what it was though." Martin replies, eyebrows lifting slightly. "I may be a fool but I'm not such a bastard that I weigh one person against another. You just kept saying no ties and after all the death and all the bullshit, Sam comes up to me and gives me the 'we need to talk' talk." Martin shrugs. "I guess I might have been feeling a bit outgunned what, with Alex and Rabbit."
Eddie turns her head slightly away, her eyelashes kissing her cheeks as she briefly closes her eyes and exhales. "Neither of which I was frakking, nor was I interested in frakking. I told you as much. You just let your assumptions get the better of you."
"No." Martin lowers his voice. "It wasn't about frakking." He clarifies, leaning his back against the simulator's wall again. "It was about confidence. You have this esteem for Rabbit, you know? Past history with Alex. I think I tried too hard to figure you out and I'd ask myself why you weren't so carefree. Dumb move I know because you're you. You make your own calls, why would I want to change you against your will, right, even if it is to be a happier person." He swallows. "I guess I kinda felt like I was failing you."
Eddie reaches up to lightly brush her fingers across his temple, then lets the trail down the line of his jaw. "And I'm sorry I sucked at reassuring you. So I guess I failed you too. Can we just…call it even and get past all this shit? I have to concentrate on spending all my energy to get myself back in the cockpit. Not spend it on trying to avoid you." The last part is said mostly tongue in cheek. Mostly.
Martin blinks slowly, his lips slowly smiling as she trails her fingers down his jaw. Visibly calming, he nods and turns his head only slightly away from her to break the tension. Blushing, he runs a hand through his hair. "It's a small ship and I know all your hiding places." Martin teases, looking back to her. "Alright, the war is over, now what can I do to help you get back up to speed? Need a spotter at the gym to work your arm?"
Eddie pulls her thumb down to the tip of his chin. "Are you kidding me? As soon as Hale catches wind that I've been cleared I think if I'm not sleeping he's going to have my ass in here or the sims." She quiets for a moment, her features pulling slightly more serious. "I wouldn't mind the company though."
Face matching her sudden growing seriousness, Martin nods softly. He doesn't pull his chin away from her fingers. Cheek rising softly in a playful smirk, he looks down to her. "I'd like that." He says to her, leaning off of the wall to stand at his full height. Eyes allowing themselves to retreat from the narrow-browed posture of stress, he lowers his voice. "Want to go by the mess, get some food, catch up on lost time?"
Eddie has to tilt her head up again as he straightens, "I would, Martin. But. Thirty minutes of sitting and starring at the sim screen has already given me a headache. I should really turn in again, rest my eyes. I gotta do this a little at a time, or they'll yank me back off duty again so fast my head'll spin. And I don't have much left, if I don't have flying."
Martin nods softly and lowers his head. Personal space warming up between them, he steps a little closer and rests a hand on her shoulder. "Okay, I can manage that place on my own. I'll probably head back to Red in about an hour or so. I've drawn the morning breakfast CAP so you know how that shit goes." He says, drifting into shop talk. "I'm really glad we had this talk, Eddie."
Eddie glances down at the toes of her shoes then up at his face. "I am too. Even if we can't fix the past, maybe it'll help the future run a little smoother, huh?" She reaches up to lay a hand on the one he has on her shoulder, giving the fingers a quick squeeze before she's stepping out of his grasp. "I'll see you around, Martin." And with that, she's slipping past him for the hatch.
"Yeah…see you around Eddie." Martin replies, watching her walk away. Not leering, but instead gazing as if watching a friendly ghost leave the room, he finds himself weighed down by a sliver of calm. Eyes back to the clock, he turns around and erases his name from the board and then heads for the hatch himself.
