Late Night Confessional
Late Night Confessional
Summary: Vendas and Cygnus run into one another in the head, which leads to interesting conversation.
Date: Post Holocaust - Day 3
Related Logs: Related Logs None
Players:
Vendas..Cygnus..

The Head is somewhat empty, though a few zombie-faced crew members move around and go through the motions. Vendas wasn't at the service or announcement today, but its clear she's in the same state as the others. She hasn't been seen much since Warday, actually, outside the Head. The Major is standing in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection wearing her off-duty garb, but its evident by her wet hair she's been showering. Which is odd considering the Air Wing has showers in their berthings.

Cygnus, too, had been showering. As if somehow the act of scrubbing himself could remove the knowledge of the day's events. It had been a hard thing to bear, being told by Sheridan before the rest of the crew. More than once he'd had to cobble together a lame excuse of why he'd appeared so pale and shaken. Still, the Commander's gag order had been clear, and Marius had clearly been on the 'need to know', in order to prepare the service properly. With a towel swaddled around his waist, he steps out of the shower and heads to the mirror to comb his sopping wet hair and affix it in a small, tight pony tail at the nape of his neck. He's so far gone on autopilot, it takes a moment to register that the CAG is standing at the mirror nearby and he gives a respectful nod, "Sir."

"Hmm?" Vendas tilts her head slightly as if to indicate he has her attention, but her eyes are glued to the mirror. It's a full three seconds before she looks back to Mac. She looks at him for a moment, her own hair looking like it hasn't had a comb through it in days. "Lieutenant." She swallows before clearing her throat and looking to the sink in front of her, hands folding on the metallic surface. She almost would look like she's in prayer. "Heard you said a good service." Her voice is very quiet.

"It's a duty I wish no one had need to perform," Cygnus replies quietly, his mood subdued. Especially considering the nature of their one and only conversation. He'd made the mistake of trying to explain the nightmares he'd been having about the destruction of the Colonies, though he didn't blame the Major for thinking his words, at the time, were bullshit. "I did the best I could to do the fallen honor, Sir," He states simply, which is an honest truth. He'd felt the weight of billions of souls pressing down upon him as he'd said the prayers.

Vendas keeps her eyes downturned, her pose solemn. She doesn't say anything for a long minute, though. Her thoughts, like everyone else, are probably on someone or something lost. "I don't announce it to people, but I'm a religious person, Lieutenant. Quietly. In my own ways, I follow Apollo." Her fingers lace together. "I keep switching between prayer and tears. Think that's healthy?" She might be calling him by rank, but she apparently doesn't seem too fixed on their last meeting. If she even remembers anything beyond his current billet at the moment.

Cygnus is surprised by the turn of conversation, though it only shows in the slight, momentary widening of his eyes, before he steps back from the mirror to turn and face the Major. Despite the fact they're in the head, Mac has always found eye contact more appropriate for such deep conversations about faith. "I think there are a range of emotions that are more than understandable at the moment, Major," He admits along a deep sigh. "Grief, rage, shock, distress. All of these natural reactions." A thoughtful pause, as he stresses, "Human reactions. It's these type of feelings that make us what we are. The ones I truly fear for at the moment, are those who have already in their minds, joined those who have gone before us." Mac had already seen that look in the eyes of one or two crewmembers after the service, and it alarmed him. If they were, indeed, the last of humanity, then humanity could not stand to lose another soul.

The woman's stance doesn't move. But for the rise and fall with her breath, the only indication she isn't a statue is the moving of her lips. Her eyes stay locked on a spot at the bottom of the sink. "Yeah. I don't know how I feel about it anymore. Sheridan briefed me after he talked to the Raptor crew and found out. I guess that's good, right? It means I can move past it faster. I can lead pilots. Be strong for them." A wet strand of hair falls past her ear and into her face, lingering there and moving with the faint passage of air by her lips. "Are any of these people you mention my pilots?" Her's. The pilots belong to her. Nobody else. Not anymore. There's something in her voice that seems to reinforce that point. A solemn concern that she, as the only Mama Bear, will take care of her cubs.

By extension of that, Cygnus, in that way, wants to be hers as well. Despite the offices he's dispatched today, what he wants more than anything is to be back out among the stars, flying a Viper. There's no end to the irony of the fact that since the Kharon jumped in to assist the Constantine, his nightmares abated, leaving him rested for the first time in months. "No, Sir. To be honest? Even though I've been assigned to another billet, I would have come to you if I sensed that something off in one of yours, Sir. In many ways," He admits with a bit of a rueful tug of the lips upwards, "I still consider my fellow pilots to be my family, whether that's the current fact or not. I plan to keep an eye on Ensign Roubani if I can, not because I think anything is amiss, but…" How to phrase the words he's thinking properly without it coming out the wrong way, "I sense a very intellectual and sensitive soul." Which to Mac's mind is not a sign of weakness, but merely another type of strength.

"Thank you. I had a suicide when I was at Cafferty. Captain Joseph Morgans. I'll never forget having to tell the squadron. You know how close pilots are. Behind the balls and bullshit, its a kinship." Vendas finally looks to him, her head turning slowly. There's tears in her eyes, the whites bloodshot. "Take care of Roubani for me. He's going to be someone we will lean on in our own way." She tries to smile, but it just looks awkward on her face. "How are you holding up? I can't imagine how many people you've had to counsul today."

"I will try, Sir," Cygnus affirms, "If he'll allow me close enough. He's seen me with Ty… Lieutenant Yuuri quite a bit, and I think he has the misconception that all I am is full of, to quote you, 'balls and bullshit'. Though we've discussed faith some. I think the young Ensign has a lot of walls built up around himself. As if he likes to live life at a bit of a distance, though I could be wrong." One thing Mac understands instinctually is that kinship. It's one of the reasons he's felt so out of place. At least back on Solaria when he'd been pulled from active duty he was still considered by his fellows, to be one them. Though he has Mud and Typhoon to count on here as family now. A soft, ironic laugh breathes out of him as he takes a moment to actually consider how he really is holding up. It's a topic he hasn't had the time to examine yet. "It's… It's very surreal for me Sir." Somehow, given the nature of the conversation, this time, for whatever reason, he feels he can confide in the Major. "I spent three months having nightmares about this happening. There's been a time or two today I've wanted to walk up to some random person and just," There's an intensity to his words, "shake them and ask them again and again if I'm really awake. It's like a waking nightmare now. In a way that's made it easier to focus on trying to help others. I don't know if that's avoidence or not, but that's pretty much what I'm feeling."

Vendas looks back to the bottom of the sink. Her thoughts dodge around her head. "Roubani is a good kid. Walls or not." There's a long pause. "I think more than friends or guidance, what the pilots need right now is to be able to count on each other." She takes a long breath and tilts her head up and looks to the pipes above her head, thinking on what he's said. "I think you'll find a lot of us have similar feelings about this nightmare. Less with the dreams, more with the surreal." Her eyes close and the woman falls silent again. She very well could be praying again. He might have seen this before with some of the more religious but less structured types.. The ones who feel the Gods in their own way. It reflects in thier stance when they do it. When it finally ends, shelooks back to him. The tears are gone. "Its not avoidance, Lieutenant. I think we all have to deal with this in our own ways and today was the worst for a lot. ..If you need my ear about something, let me know. Peace be with you, Lieutenant. This crew will need you in the coming days and weeks." She dips her head and finally steps away from the sink.

"I'll try to be here in whatever capacity I can be, Sir." The way that Vendas steps away from the sink, gives Cygnus a good indication that the conversation is drawing to a close, and there's two final things he wishes to express. "From everything I've seen, Sir? You have an outstanding group of pilots. I'm sure they will be able to depend on each other in the times to come." Having seen this new side of the Major, one thing Mac is certain of, is that Kharon's CAG is one of the finest he's had the priveledge to serve with. "I hope that peace will be with you as well, Major." He nods a bit, "I will remember your Captain Morgans in my prayers tonight."

Cygnus pauses a moment to watch Vendas go, then gathers up his grooming kit and prepares to leave himself. He's more tired than he'd care to admit, and it shows in the drawn features of his face. A moment later, he shoves himself away from the sink and heads out into the hallway, looking forward to finally having some time alone to deal with his grief.

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