Complicate It
Complicate It.
Summary: Martin and Samantha finally, nearly 2 months later, talk about their relationship.
Date: PHD #96 (July 24, 2009)
Related Logs: None

Samantha doesn't have all that much to do these days other than rehab, some paper work, and thinking. ANd she's doing lots of thinking. Not in the bunk, not in the mess, lounge, or anywhere else, it's not too surprising to find her up on the hangar deck, in front of that large window that looks out across the stars and has the bedroll that's been used by probably too many crew, but will be used time and again. Closest thing to an observation deck the crew has. She can't smoke up here, but she's got a waterbottle full of something as she stares out, silent in thought, just in her tanks and BDUs, right arm still in the sling… Other than the sling and the clear face she's probably dropped a dozen pounds, she looks herself. But her cheeks are hollow and her eyes, her pants fitting rather loose. SHe's nearing skinny for the first time since they met.

After his CAP and a shower, Martin makes his way down to where they decided that they would talk. Already the news of Martin getting shot down in training has spread across the crew. The saving grace is that it was by one of the top pilots, Spider. Stepping up quiet to where the bedroll is with his canteen and a pack of cigarettes, he checks to make sure that they're not going to be within the non-smoking line. Settling down beside her, he lights two cigarettes, offering her one. "…sorry I'm late, you didn't want to talk to me like that. Had to hit the showers." He pauses. "You haven't been waiting long too long have you?"

Samantha smiles a bit more as he offers her the cigarette, she reaching her left hand up to scoop it out of his palm and bring it to her mouth for a deep, long drag of the stuff. She shakes her head quietly, "No, not too long. Just… thinkin'. I'm almost gettin' good at that…" She jokes quietly, but it's not the all out racous, dirty humor that Case usually has. She takes another drag of her cigarette, her good shoulder slightly leaning against his…

"Yeah I've been there myself lately." Martin says, taking a drag off of his own cigarette. Propping his knee up, he balances his forearm over it to hang forward as they rest. With the lunchful of smoke, he exhales, sending the smoke towards the makeshift observation window. He looks down, then over to her. "…you start?"

Samantha winces slightly as he makes her start. So much for being put on the spot. She sighs cigarette smoke out her nose, lost… uncertain, definitely looking off base. But then the injury and being sick might have taken something out of her. Not for good, but for now her sails are lacking some wind. She sighs…"I love you… you know that. Whole frakking time on Scorpia…I just wanted to be back here with -you-. For as much of a pussy as that makes me sound."

Martin's eyes narrow quietly at the wincing from her, and in pure Martin fashion, he looks to her shoulder, making sure something he did didn't cause her from moving her arm too much. When the words come out, he looks to her face. Leaning his back against the bulkhead behind them, he takes another drag off of the cigarette. "It doesn't…" He shakes his head. "…doesn't make you sound like a pussy at all. I know things have been hell lately for you and I, out of control, but I was worried about you while you were down there." He replies, watching her face. He chuckles softly. "I told Rabbit to go frak himself when he assumed command. I wanted to fight it out."

Samantha allows her cigarette to rest balanced at the corner of her mouth so her free hand can come down and rest on his leg instead, stroking across the lower part of his thigh, just touching lightly… Gently. Glad he's there, affirming he's real. She's not crazy. Apparently there is only one man in the universe she hallucinates. "IT's alright. In the past now… for all the frakked up shit that happened, it's done. We're back, and we're here. And… we… I suppose we got decisions to make…"

A small, weak smile forms at the side of Martin's mouth. He's comfortable as he normally is around her, but there's something holding him back. Ashing his cigarette, he rests it over his knee again, reaching down to brush a few fingertips over the knuckles of her hand softly. "I suppose we do." Martin replies as he reflects. He swallows. "I suppose it's only right to let you know that it was after you and Ajax started, but something happened with me and someone else as well. It's a…well it's been a casual thing." He looks to his cigarette, bringing it to his lips. "I'm telling you this not because I don't wanna talk and make decisions, but because I think, unlike before, we need to keep things really honest with each other, you know?"

Samantha tilts her head, looking up to his handsome eyes for a few moments, studying there. She's quiet… considering, before all she supplies is a soft: "Eddie." She doesn't really even have to ask. She knew it was coming, half the reason she hit the woman. She breathes through her nose a few heartbeats, going back to her cigarette as she processes that information, somewhat stomach twisting to have it confirmed and yet at least she knows… Finally, she looks away, staring a bit harder at the stars…"Alright… do… do you want it to… Continue?" She inquires gruffly, trying to keep emotion out of her voice and failing.

Martin's eyebrows raises just a hair at the mention of Eddie. In the end, it wasn't too hard to guess. Another drag off of the cigarette follows. He looks back to the view port, fingertips still tracing over hers. "Do you remember when I felt like my involvement with you would take you to a dark place?" Martin asks, beginning a lengthy explanation. He shakes his head, exhaling his cigarette smoke. "Her and I have no claim over each other, and that's the way it's always been. I guess all those scars and all that lack of care's bullshit, and you know me…I consider my part in it all. It was simple when you broke up with me and started with Ajax." He says, pausing for a moment of silence with the dead. "Now I'm starting to question my place in it all. I'd be a liar if I didn't say a massive part of me was worried sick about you while you were down there. At the same time if she has a problem with us talking and being close like we always have, no one can take that away. But I don't really even know what Eddie's about sometimes. She plays her cards face down, maybe not even knowing what she's got in her hands." Martin says, trailing off.

Samantha frowns even deeper, not daring to look at him, but her whole body has turned into a long line of tension now. She breathes shakily through her nose. "BUt…if she'd open her hand. If she'd say she wants you… well…You'd go there. Ain't nothing I could do about that. And… if I'd say… I want this. Finally. For good… I don't care if ya'll remain friends, talk, hang out. I ain't gonna be that bitch… but boffing her? I… I couldn't handle that… if I said that… Hell…I -am- saying that… " Sam just trails off, not making full sense, but hopefully making enough. Finally, she turns her green eyes back to him, raw emotion all too evidence behind them. She loves him and she's being honest. So, open as she can be… heart laying on a platter, she watches him, having handed him the knife.

Martin looks to her, a mask of confused silence on his mostly expressionless face. Like a duck, something under the surface is churning like the insides of a Viper. Another drag is taken from the cigarette, exhaling to the side. A pair of deck crew walk past, and Martin watches them in silence. The two never even look down, giving them the privacy that first glace would suggest they've requested. Martin ashes his cigarette. "Don't sell yourself so short." Martin says quietly, shaking his head. He swallows again. "I work so hard at being unaffected, but then somewhere along the line I realized that I was human, just like you and the damn rest of us. That I couldn't be exempt, right?" He says, looking to her face. "I just can't pull some wise-ass stunt to make myself forget that I've got shit going on inside my head. I deserved it when you dumped my ass, but I was upset. I couldn't switch off like that, you know? I feel like I'm in quicksand sometimes…" He looks to her face. He swallows. "I know enough to know that right now I feel like I'm lucky as frak that you came back alive. Billions didn't get a second chance, right?" Martin runs a hand through his hair. "Viper pilots shouldn't feel nervous having conversations…" He says with a snorted laugh.

Samantha gives him a tired, nervous sort of laugh, tilting her head…"Alright… still…ain't really an answer, Martin. Though I suppose no answer is just as much one as anything else." She gives a tired, slightly too raw laugh, and pulls away from him, standing up. She couldn't sit on that bedroll any more, acting like they were in love… Like he might still love her. She sighs, standing, taking the last few stolen drags of her cigarette. "…You might think I'm crazy. And I probably am. I guess I hit my head damn hard when I crashed but… I saw him down there. Ajax. He… he helped pull me out of the chute… out of the centurion's eyes. He was there when I woke up, after the crash. It was… frakked, and weird… But I saw his face when I woke up. And I wanted to see yours."

"I wasn't saying no." Martin says, looking to her. He stands quickly and puts his hand on her hip, shaking his head from side to side. "I'm saying that I don't want to say no. I don't think you're crazy and shit, Sam if you need someone to be there with you waiting outside of therapy for your arm or whatever…whatever. I'm there, okay?" Martin says, putting a little strength behind his words. He turns his head to the side, dragging off of the cigarette. He exhales to the side as he turns back to look at her face. He looks back towards the window and stares for a second, replaying a few of Eddie and his conversations as he gazes. His head slowly turns back to Sam's face. "The only thing you're crazy for is choosing me." He says with a wry smirk. "I'm…sorry this got so twisted up." Another pause. Some hard truth follows. "…Sam…I want to help get you back into shape, back into the wing, frak it back into the chapel if that's where you're going with this because I do … care. Deeply." A short pause. Apparently Martin does fear something that isn't streaking past CIC. His eyes go to her own. "Don't walk away. I already made the decision that I needed to take a step back from her a few days ago."

Samantha stops as he stands up and touches her hip, allowing him to turn her body slightly in his direction even if there is a tense reluctance in her body. It's safer to keep looking away, not to let him see that raw emotion on her face. She swallows back a deeper, slightly more shaky breath as she listens to the rest of his words, and the hesitation before the word 'care'. That makes her lips pull into a slightly tighter frown. She reaches her left hand down, looking for his pack of cigarettes, moving to steal another from him even if she's working one handed. "I don't need you, Martin… I can get through therapy all on my own, and even chapel…if I end up going back. Which I might. As… it's the only damn explanation for some of the shit that went down…" She sighs, memories of her guardian angel, or devil, flashing before her eyes again. "But I want you. I do want you there for those things. It'd be… damn, it'd be good if you were. But I stand by what I said before. If we do this again… we're doin' it. Really doing it. And I ain't gonna back down on that… 'cause I might be strong, but… I dunno if I can take much more right now. And I don't want to lose you. Not again."

Martin watches her face, moving his hands to his cigarette pack to help her find one. "I want to be there for those things." He says with confidence. "That's the thing." He says, lighting the cigarette for her. "I want to be there for those things. Not out of pitty or obligation but because I don't like seeing you hurt. I simply don't. Because I as a human being, know on the inside, that it's where I want to be. Because I know whoever I'm close to might have to bury me in this frakking war, or the other way around, and it just…" He grits his teeth. "…burns me. You might lose me. To the Cylons. Frak I'll do my best whenever I'm out there Sam but what about you? What about Jupiter?" He takes a final drag from his cigarette, turning so that their hips are squared. "I don't want these things stolen from my hands any more than you do, but it doesn't mean we should be too afraid of them, right? Frak, I build up these walls that I never want there in the first place. So frakkin' maddening." He pauses, swallowing. "I do love you, Sam. If I die tomorrow, I'd rather died having said that than not. But don't you dare fall apart if this shit ends me."

Samantha allows him to light her cigarette, this time stealing it out of her hands with her lips instead of her hand, the way they used to do when they first got together and were young, in love, careless. She takes a deep drag of it but has mostly forgotten the nicotine now in lieu of actually listening to him, drinking in every one of his words, and not turning away or looking somewhere other than his eyes. He deserves respect, his words deserve to be fully heard, every single one. So all the other pieces are forgotten for the moment and she just watches his handsome face, her single good hand coming down, resting against his side, pulling him a bit closer. Finally, as he finishes, she gives him the faintest of smiles…"I love you too, Martin.. and if this ends you, I'll fall apart. But I'll pull myself back together again. I always do. And the same would go for you if it ended me. Hell…Scorpia was a nice trial run, sadly. But you did your job. You handled shit fine. Which is what we have to do. But we said it before and it hasn't changed…Just because it might go wrong don't mean not to have it now." She breathes slowly. "The letter you sent me… didn't you mean it? Well…mean it. I want to live that life. I want you to also… because it might be gone too damned fast. So… we take this. We have it while we can, right? We… we do this." Not the most eloquent, but deadly honest…

"You know…I think if we'd met under different circumstances your wouldn't have given me the time of day." Martin says, his lip tugging at it's side to form a dimpled smirk. A deep breath comes in and releases downwards, eyes blinking softly. "I am…by the way…interested with hearing about what went on down there. Sorry I rushed over it in the moment. I had shit I wanted to say." Martin adds, clarifying. "Yes. I meant the letter. Every word." He goes quiet and then steps forward, pulling her into a long, tight hug. Careful of her arm in the sling, it's the kind of hug you give someone in a deeply emotional moment. It's a calm, quiet version of the long hug you give someone after a long fight has been resolved. It lasts for nearly a minute. He pulls away from her. "Cmon…let's go get some rest."

Samantha sinks tightly in against him, not caring about the shoulder. She's still on pain meds anyway. She just leans there, tight and close, her head burying into his throat as she breaths his familiar, musky scent and remembers what it is to simply be in love for a few minutes. Her hand tightly wraps around his back, clutching against his ribs, holding the hug as long as he will have it before they slowly break. She nods quietly, "Rest…sounds like a good idea… we can talk about that shit in the morning. It… it's just hallucinations after all…surely." She strangely doesn't sound convinced, but she shrugs it off, leaning against him as they head towards the stairs.

Martin looks to her, resting a hand around the small of her back as they walk. "Yeah…we'll get some breakfast in the morning and talk about it, figure it out. I mean, it could be hallucinations, who knows, but I know you better than anyone here. I could probably provide some insight if you want it." Martin replies. "Don't worry about it for now, okay? Everything's gonna be alright."

Samantha heads down through the hatch with him, pausing one time before they actually leave the deck… and leaning in for that kiss. She's been waiting for it all night, and no matter what he's repressing, dammit, she's taking her kiss. She gives him that kiss deep, and toe curlingly long, making certain he's wanting more before she pulls away, grins, and heads for the bunks, whistling quietly innocent as they go, despite the flush on her cheeks that has nothing to do with a fever.

The kiss, returned to her, also bears the weight of the thousand pounds of buried issues within Martin being shrugged off. Toe curling indeed, the late night corridors give them that long moment alone to share the kiss. Smiling quietly to her, that emotionally and mentally exhausted look in his eyes is present. After admitting his fears it's somewhat obvious on his face that it's left him feeling a bit like his bones have turned to rubber. He doesn't, however, keep this from being comfortable with her. Eyes down the corridor as they walk, he rests his arm across the small of her back to rest on her hip, getting a few scattered glances as they walk. They're off-duty, and the small amount of affection is only slightly against regulations. A ghost of a darkened thought crosses his eyes, and he buries it. Now is not the time. Grinning quietly to Samantha, he whispers quietly to her. "…you're welcome to stay in my bunk but…" He nods to her arm. "…we shouldn't risk making your recovery take longer."

Samantha lofts a brow…"Well, you'll just have to do all the work, handsome… You could use the brush up anyway, I'm sure." She winks to him, her voice husky, tempting, and so very wanting of it. THat's the best motivation for recovery possible. With that, she reaches her left hand up, wrapping around the collar of his shirt and tugging him through the hatch of the bunks. She half tosses him into the bunk, and even if it's just kissing, well…They'll exhaust each other before finally falling asleep.

No doubt, the thunk of Martin getting shoved into a bunk was enough to garner a bit of attention that something was going on. At the least, the direction puts it to the correct place. Careful to not fall and break his own arm, Martin grins quietly and motions for her to join him in the bunks. Pulling the curtains closed behind them, the barely audible sound of slow movement within can be heard. Eventually, it all stops and is replaced by the sound of quiet breathing.

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