| Closer To The Heart |
| Summary: | Kissy helps a fellow Raptorman talk through his problems. |
| Date: | PHD066 |
| Related Logs: | None |
| Players: |
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[ Storage - Deck 3 ][ CEC Kharon ]
IC Time: Post Holocaust Day #66 OOC Time: Tue Jun 23 21:12:24 2009
Boxes. Lots of boxes. Most of the contents of this room are property of General Distribution but cleaning supplies are also kept here along with stacks of toilet paper, empty jerricans, and basic tools for fixing usual problems in this area of the ship. Hazardous Materials cleanup kits are also kept here in case of an incident in the lab.
Matto bounds down one set of stairs, then, after a moment's hesitaion, turns down the corridor a way before bolting down a second set of stairs, finally having gotten to a point of being able to navigae the ship without Poppy telling him which way to go. He raps gently on the storage room door before entering, knowing it's the place where people go to have words with one another in peace. "So, what's up, guy?" he asks, his voice warm and gentle as he goes to find a spot to settle in.
Komnenos enters close on Kissy's heels. He looks at Kissy silently for a few seconds, a look of indecision in his eyes, before finally slumping down to sit on a random container. He's obviously not used to confiding in people, and when he does, it's usually his own front-seat half; Timon might not be much for advice, but he's at least proven to have a discreet and sympathetic ear. Not that the man currently sitting with him doesn't, but… well. "Gods, Kissy, I… I wish I knew where t' begin," he sighed. "It's been one of those frakkin' weeks, y' know?" He lights a cigarette.
Matto rests his elbows on his knees and bobs his head quietly a few times, "Yah," he replies, "Been a hell of a week," he agrees, mind obviously lingering on Crowbar and Dot, even if Thorn's request for a chat came in before all of that. "Sorry Ivory went all off on you like that, you know? I can't even imagine what it was like down there."
"You know, it wasn't even all that bad," Thorn replies. "I just… When those Centurions came out, I was just… scared of seeming afraid, you know? I was so afraid of letting our people down that I panicked and started shooting, if you can call that panicking. I keep wondering if there was something I could have done, or if I could have done my job better… might they still be alive? As if that wasn't enough to think about already…" he trails off with a sigh.
"Dude, guy—" Kissy begins with a quiet burbling of masculine epithets, "You know, it really, really sucks to lose Crowbar and Dot. But the odds we're up against, here? Enough Cylon forces to wipe out -the rest of humanity,- versus… us, here, on this boat. We're all doing the best we can in… unbearable circumstances. Sometimes, you know, that's just not going to be good enough. It sucks. But it's true, yah? It's so not your fault, what happened down there. It's not anyone's fault."
"Intellectually, I know that. I do. But I can't help thinking about it nonetheless… I do that every time I have a problem. I overanalyze. I obsess about how I frak up," Thorn continues with a sigh. His pace is quickening, and his accent is thickening. "With everything. Look at me. I suddenly can't stop doubting my performance; no matter how hard I try, I can't quit putting my bloody foot in my mouth or keeping my bloody temper from flaring at stupid shit; oh, and I happen t' be attracted t' a woman whom I know can never and likely will never return said feelings, or even notice the fact that I don't look at her the same way as others!" He stops abruptly, as he suddenly seems to take notice of his rising voice. He sucks on his cigarette, and shoots Kissy a mortified look. "I'm sorry, I— you probably didn't want t' hear me ramble like a teenager about how terrible my bloody life is," he says apologetically.
"The stress is getting to everyone, Thornytoes," Kissy tells him gently, "And hey, if I didn't want to listen to you ramble, I wouldn't be here, would I?" he offers with a warm smile. "You should just bliss out for a while," he suggests, pushing up from his crate to head over and settle on one beside Thorn, instead. "You know? Welcome to the end of the world. Remember to spend at least a little bit of it doing what pleases you best. These are the last days of our lives, Thorn. Don't waste them being unhappy. Whom do you love?"
Thorn's face reddens slightly; he's suddenly glad he came to this man, who seems to have a much better feel for dealing with emotional stress than either Komnenos or his usual partner in crime. He takes several more puffs on his cigarette, carefully blowing the smoke away from the two. "I mean — I don't know that I'd call it love, at this point, or at least if I dare t' call it that, anyway. For all I know, it could end up being some bloody stupid adolescent crush, in which case it would likely just embarrass everyone involved — and like I said, it's unlikely t' ever be returned, but —" Thorn cuts himself off with another sigh and another puff. That's not what Kissy asked. "The captain," he answers softly, flushing even further, embarrassed even to speak the words because of the mere absurdity of the idea.
Matto's brain jumps first to Spider, for the briefest of moments, both brows rising in surprise for the briefest of moments before his brain shifts gears and subs in their own Captain for the CAG. "Oh… yeah," Kissy considers he problem for a moment, "I mean, regulations aside, since the ship seems to be subtly shifting in favor of an 'all's fair in love et cetera' policy anyhow… Kittenface has a history to her which even I haven't quite begun to understand in all its complexity. And some of the stuff I -have- put together… well," Kissy looks to one side, "I wouldn't feel right spreading around, you know? What she wants you to know, she'll let you know. But, you know, it's not something you need to be embarrassed about. Love is a good thing, after all. And even crushes and just… physical attaction… those are all natural, healthy urges. Kittenface is a beautiful woman. You should tell her that."
Komnenos nods. "I know the two of you are fairly close… part of th' reason I came t' you, you know her far better than I. And I wouldn't dream of asking you t' share anything sensitive, but…" He shakes his head. "I know her well enough t' know that I wouldn't have the first idea how t' go about it and not make her as uncomfortable as I would be." He laughs hollowly, a sound devoid of any real mirth, as he tries to think about how that conversation might go. "I can't help it, really. The embarrassment, I mean. Not only for my sake, but for hers."
"You've hit the matter right on the head. She'll be just as uncomfortable as you are," Kissy notes. "If you can stop being uncomfortable, she won't have to be uncomfortable, either. The less awkward -you- bring to it, the less awkward will be there on the table. Just tell it like it is, guy. I've always thought it was much better than keeping things stowed away, you know? A lot healthier. Just say, you know," he goes on, "You're a really attractive person, and you crazy do it for me, and I know it's against regs and probably a bad idea to boot, but I thought you should know, for the sake of…" he rolls his eyes upward for a moment as if groping for words, "Emotional transparency." He shrugs, "If you're blunt and honest with her, she'll be more likely to be blunt and honest with you. Then you'll both know where each other stand, and can work from there instead of having it be the elephant in the room."
Thorn nods slowly as Kissy speaks, carefully considering his words. "Frak, you're probably right," he says with another sigh. "I've never been much at this sort of thing, in case you haven't noticed," he continues, smiling faintly. Silence follows; Thorn leans back and finishes what's left of his cigarette. Finally, after stamping it out roughly with his boot, he continues. "Given the way things are these days, I may as well say something… it's not as though keeping it holed up is doing me much good, at any rate." He looks over at Kissy, and reaches out to touch the other man's arm in what passes for Thorn as a gesture of heartfelt gratitude. Never much the touchy-feely type, this one. "Look, Kissy, I… I want t' thank you for this. You've been a great help. Sometimes… sometimes it just helps to be able t' talk t' someone about shit." A colossal admission from the normally reticent ECO.
Matto returns the armpat with a great hug. Touchy-feely is Kisseus' middle name. Or it should be. "Hey, you know it's whatever, guy. We're here for one another, yah?" he smiles, squeezing tight once before he sits up again. "Oh, and speaking of, do you want to help me out putting together the wake for Crowbar and Dot?"
Thorn seems to put himself back together as the conversation turns back to more practical matters. It's a sign of the times that discussing funerals and wakes are starting to seem that way, but what can one do? "I'd be happy t' help," he replies, nodding in affirmation. "Just let me know what I can do." Thoughts turn from matters of the heart to mourning fallen comrades. "Didn't know them long, but they seemed like good kids," he finishes softly.
"Any help you can offer in the realm of scavenging booze enough to get both squadrons pretty well liquored would be great," Kissy smiles, "I've never really planned anything like this before. But I figure we can leave the liquor on their bunks, and people can go past to pay respects and grab a drink or three. I'm sure the various musicians will come out of the woodwork. I'll play something to get us started, and then people can take it from there. Light-hearted stuff, I was thinking," Kissy muses. "They were. Crowbar was a seriously top notch kind of dude. Chill as you please, and crazy good at his job. And Dot—" Kissy takes a deep breath, shaking his head, "She was mad. The best sort of mad."
"Then again, it's always the good ones, isn't it?" Thorn asks, shaking his head. "As for the alcohol — shouldn't be a problem," he replies with a smile of his own. "I may not have quite the network here that I did on my last assignment, but I still have my ways," he continues with a conspiratorial wink. "Not much for music, but I can contribute something t' the affair, at any rate." The knowledge of that, at least, seems to lift his spirits a bit.
"That would be great, if you could keep us boozed up," Kisseus smiles, "I'll be contributing something to the afterparty," he notes, "The main thing will be open to both squadrons. Then we'll have something for just us."
Komnenos replies with a sober nod. "Sounds t' be a plan. I'll see if I can scrounge up some good cigars for everyone as well," he says thoughtfully, the wheels already turning in his mind. "Should they so choose, anyway," he adds hastily, suddenly mindful that not everyone in the air-wing smokes — Kissy especially, with the asthma and all. "If you'd like. Or not."
"If you can find them, I'm sure you'll have no end of people who'd enjoy sharing them," Kissy smiles, reaching over to rest his hand on Thorn's knee as if to let him know it's alright. After all, he was sitting right here while Thorn smoked his cigarette, with no obvious ill-effects. "You feeling better, some?"
"You know, actually, I am." Thorn notes with relief. It has the side benefit of even being an honest admission. He smiles. "I can't thank you enough for listening t' me go on. Really." He says that almost as though it's something he's not used to. Reluctantly, he stands, exhaling loudly. "Look, I've got t' go get ready for CAP. I'll start working on putting everything together for the wake, and I promise I'll be thinking about what you said before."
Matto stands, as well, "Well, good. If you ever need to chat, or just go chill out somewhere, you know where I live," he adds with a smile. "Be safe out there, okay? And I'll see you later."
